I know you didn't. I also know enough about the effects of alchohol to know it doesn't change who you are. It just drops your inhibitions.
Look. You were talking to a younger, dark haired girl. I don't recall her name. You said that people just 'pretend to care' about you. I just wanted to know if you really think that's true and if I'm lumped in with those 'people'.
....I'm probably worried over nothing but it's been bugging me since I saw it.
[That conversation with Nakama was probably the most hurtful one out of all the crap spread all over that post. She's been blurting it out without thinking- how could she think with alcohol in her system?
No use lying, at this point. He does deserve to know.]
I've used to think that way until I met Lilly.
Because my existence always troubled people since the... incident...
...
Because of that, I was sure that every friend I had would eventually abandon me. It... It happened to me too many times for me to just ignore. It hurt too much, and I reached to the conclusion that... it's my fault. It's because of my scars. It's me, not them.
You and Lilly are the only ones that I feel the closest to, and I do trust you to an extent, but...
[It's hard to say this, and she's sure it's going to hurt him- but...]
Do you remember that time at the bar? When... we played with the pool?
... You said you would... protect me, and that... that hurt me, because that meant you were like all those people who... only feel sorry for me, who think that I'm not capable of anything without help, who would treat me like a child...
[Quiet words, but sharp with brutal honesty. He asked her to be honest, so... she'll provide it to him.]
Lilly might be just the same, but I love her. I still love her... that's why I can't- I can't think of her that way... I can't. I don't want to hate her... she's a good person...
...
When you showed me your scar... and since then, when we were brought here, you... you sort of changed, and- and it's a positive change. It really is. I didn't... expect it from you, Hisao. I trust you... more than before.
But... but when I talked to Nakama-san, something resurfaced in me, and- I was drunk and I wasn't thinking... maybe it's because she tried to lecture me... I don't know the reason...
You're... not one of those people. I don't want to think of you that way, but sometimes... I can't help it, I- I guess...
[So. That was it. The distance he'd felt when they left the jazz club - it was because he'd said he would protect her. And he had to admit to himself that in their early days as friends he had thought of things that way...]
Hanako... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you that night, or any time since. That's the last thing I would ever want to do. I can't lie to you... I have thought in the past that you needed some protection and help. Because you're so shy, and I wanted to be there for you to help you come out of your shell a little. I....
[He stopped, looking away and thinking for a moment.]
...but that really is in the past. That way of thinking was selfish and naive of me, and it was wrong.
[He turned to face the video feed again.]
You're right. You're not weak or a child. And I'm sorry if I ever - EVER - made you feel that way. You're very important to me.... I'm not pretending and I want you to understand that.
[Hanako listens to everything from the audio, so he can't see the expressions she's having, and the tears that slowly reappear in her eyes.
What he says at the beginning hurts, it pierces her from the inside, but she knew that. She knew that he was being like everyone else, that he, too, thought of her as a weakling. And pretty much his statement only confirms what she'd feared at that time.
But it changed. Overtime, he did change. What he says next makes it true. He's sorry for it, he understands. Hisao understands.
She tries to wipe her tears with her hands, but that proves hard. She can't stop crying.]
I'm sorry Hisao, I--
Hisao I'm so- so glad... it makes me happy to know it...
[He could hear the tears in her voice and he frowned a little - he couldn't tell if they were sad tears, happy tears, or some of each. He hoped mostly happy.]
I'm glad it makes you happy, Hanako.
[He smiled, finally.]
It's nice to have things out in the open like that, isn't it?
[She's not sure she can do that. Not to the people who tried to lecture her. She's rightfully resenful of them, and for now she won't do anything of the sort, because she thinks they don't deserve it. People who treat her like a child are not the sort of people she wants to do anything to do with.]
[Aw crap, she's worried that she's done bad things to him- and yeah he's one of the few she feels the need to apologize to... she'll try to remember once this talk is over, at the cost of gaining herself another headache.]
I had a glass of whatever Kurosaki was drinking - It was pretty tasty. He wound up tipping the glass over to make me drink faster, but I just felt a little light headed. Not tipsy or anything.
Actually, it was mostly Jacob. He's a friend of yours, he said? He carried you on his back and I helped to make sure you didn't slip or anything. You fell asleep on the bar.
You should probably thank him - I never could have gotten you home by myself.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2012-04-20 01:47 am (UTC)Look. You were talking to a younger, dark haired girl. I don't recall her name. You said that people just 'pretend to care' about you. I just wanted to know if you really think that's true and if I'm lumped in with those 'people'.
....I'm probably worried over nothing but it's been bugging me since I saw it.
no subject
Date: 2012-04-20 02:02 am (UTC)[That conversation with Nakama was probably the most hurtful one out of all the crap spread all over that post. She's been blurting it out without thinking- how could she think with alcohol in her system?
No use lying, at this point. He does deserve to know.]
I've used to think that way until I met Lilly.
Because my existence always troubled people since the... incident...
...
Because of that, I was sure that every friend I had would eventually abandon me. It... It happened to me too many times for me to just ignore. It hurt too much, and I reached to the conclusion that... it's my fault. It's because of my scars. It's me, not them.
You and Lilly are the only ones that I feel the closest to, and I do trust you to an extent, but...
[It's hard to say this, and she's sure it's going to hurt him- but...]
Do you remember that time at the bar? When... we played with the pool?
no subject
Date: 2012-04-20 02:05 am (UTC)Yeah. I remember... we played billiards, and had a lot of fun.
no subject
Date: 2012-04-20 02:27 am (UTC)[Quiet words, but sharp with brutal honesty. He asked her to be honest, so... she'll provide it to him.]
Lilly might be just the same, but I love her. I still love her... that's why I can't- I can't think of her that way... I can't. I don't want to hate her... she's a good person...
...
When you showed me your scar... and since then, when we were brought here, you... you sort of changed, and- and it's a positive change. It really is. I didn't... expect it from you, Hisao. I trust you... more than before.
But... but when I talked to Nakama-san, something resurfaced in me, and- I was drunk and I wasn't thinking... maybe it's because she tried to lecture me... I don't know the reason...
You're... not one of those people. I don't want to think of you that way, but sometimes... I can't help it, I- I guess...
no subject
Date: 2012-04-20 02:42 am (UTC)Hanako... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you that night, or any time since. That's the last thing I would ever want to do. I can't lie to you... I have thought in the past that you needed some protection and help. Because you're so shy, and I wanted to be there for you to help you come out of your shell a little. I....
[He stopped, looking away and thinking for a moment.]
...but that really is in the past. That way of thinking was selfish and naive of me, and it was wrong.
[He turned to face the video feed again.]
You're right. You're not weak or a child. And I'm sorry if I ever - EVER - made you feel that way. You're very important to me.... I'm not pretending and I want you to understand that.
You're not worthless. You're worth a lot to me.
Oh also, this might be a chance to invite her to the ball /o/
Date: 2012-04-20 03:35 am (UTC)What he says at the beginning hurts, it pierces her from the inside, but she knew that. She knew that he was being like everyone else, that he, too, thought of her as a weakling. And pretty much his statement only confirms what she'd feared at that time.
But it changed. Overtime, he did change. What he says next makes it true. He's sorry for it, he understands. Hisao understands.
She tries to wipe her tears with her hands, but that proves hard. She can't stop crying.]
I'm sorry Hisao, I--
Hisao I'm so- so glad... it makes me happy to know it...
\o/
Date: 2012-04-20 03:50 am (UTC)I'm glad it makes you happy, Hanako.
[He smiled, finally.]
It's nice to have things out in the open like that, isn't it?
no subject
Date: 2012-04-20 03:52 am (UTC)[She reaches for the bedsheet and tries to stop her tears with them.]
no subject
Date: 2012-04-20 03:56 am (UTC)[....he's going to omit the part where she sat in his lap unless she asks directly.]
no subject
Date: 2012-04-20 03:59 am (UTC)...
Really I did it...?
[No Hisao please don't tell her XD]
no subject
Date: 2012-04-20 04:06 am (UTC)Well, you at least know you can apologize to the people who you said upsetting things to.
no subject
Date: 2012-04-20 04:11 am (UTC)[She's not sure she can do that. Not to the people who tried to lecture her. She's rightfully resenful of them, and for now she won't do anything of the sort, because she thinks they don't deserve it. People who treat her like a child are not the sort of people she wants to do anything to do with.]
... Kurosaki-kun hugged your arm?
[Yeeeeeah what.]
no subject
Date: 2012-04-20 04:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-04-20 04:16 am (UTC)[Oh.
Ohhhhhhh.
Oh god what.]
... I did...? Uh... what else did I do...?
no subject
Date: 2012-04-20 04:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-04-20 04:24 am (UTC)But... did I do... anything else to Kurosaki-kun...?
[She sounds terrified...]
no subject
Date: 2012-04-20 04:28 am (UTC)You could ask him - if he remembers much of anything, I'm sure he'd tell you.
no subject
Date: 2012-04-20 04:33 am (UTC)[Aw crap, she's worried that she's done bad things to him- and yeah he's one of the few she feels the need to apologize to... she'll try to remember once this talk is over, at the cost of gaining herself another headache.]
I hope you didn't drink anything while there...
no subject
Date: 2012-04-20 04:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-04-20 04:39 am (UTC)[A pause.]
Who brought me home...? I don't quite remember. Was it you?
no subject
Date: 2012-04-20 04:41 am (UTC)You should probably thank him - I never could have gotten you home by myself.
no subject
Date: 2012-04-20 04:49 am (UTC)[Feeling bad for making him carry her, sob.]
...
[She's not sure about to to say anymore.]
no subject
Date: 2012-04-20 01:49 pm (UTC)Well, I wanted to go and do some cooking. I'll bring some of what I make by your room later, alright? If you want it.
no subject
Date: 2012-04-20 08:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-04-21 03:34 am (UTC)So, apart from the drinking and stuff, did you enjoy going out? The parts you do remember, at least?
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